A person who is mentally healthy is grounded in reality. He takes in the world and relates to the world with a minimum of distortions. We are all absorbing way more sensations than we can give attention to at any one time, and our personal history colors what we notice and how we interpret the world around us. And although we are all affected by our early life experiences, a person who is mentally sound has a lot of overlap with others about what is real. He can usually build bridges to others and experience a ‘meeting of the minds.’ (That is not to say that consensus always proves mental wellness—people can get together to reinforce each other’s distortions, as in the case of mass prejudice.)

A person who is mentally healthy is stable, with a solid internal sense of what is right and wrong. He is settled but not rigid. He can see patterns and be flexible. He can see novelty and enjoy it. He can and does discipline himself, and he can delay gratification. This person uses his Thinking Brain to execute final decisions. He is not blown around by his feelings. He feels, then he thinks, THEN he acts.

A sometimes-downside happens when this guy gets locked up too tight, so that he is only reasonable, only analytical. He is logical and sensible but may lack zest in his life. He may be a geeky engineer. Or a color-inside-the-lines girl all the time.

An emotionally healthy person is able to notice, feel and respond to his full emotional world without overreacting. He is fully enlivened by his emotions—both the easy ones and the hard ones—but he is also fully in control of them. Well, you know. As much as anybody can be.

Our emotions are our automatic internal sensors that inform us about our place in our community, in our world. They give us spontaneous readings about whether we are safe, respected, valued, wanted. Prized. Sometimes our unconscious brain assesses the incoming signal and doesn’t like the message. Then we tell ourselves “No, I’m not angry,” though everyone else can see the smoke pouring out of our ears.

Or we say, “Nah, I don’t care,” putting on a nonchalant act when in fact we do care, but we are afraid to speak up and say so.

Our emotions reflect our engagement in life: our joy, compassion, even sadness over loss. Imagine what a gray world we would live in without them!

So we want to feel all of our feelings, not being shut down or constricted, or dishonest with ourselves. But we also want to be sure that we govern their expression. We CAN’T CHOOSE what we feel but we MUST CHOOSE WHAT EMOTIONS WE EXPRESS by our speech and actions.

If a person is balanced mentally and emotionally what traits would we notice about her? She is realistic. Her perceptions ordinarily agree with what is factual and can be proven. People see her as ‘with it.’ She takes sensible precautions and sensible risks. She learns from experience and is able to generalize from what she knows to what she has never tried before. As a result of her many successes she is confident and is admired by others.

At the same time this person is attractive to us for her zest, her passion for life.

She is grateful to be alive and respectful of the lives of others. She has meaningful heart-contact with folks and for this she considers herself wealthy and blessed. She has some creativity, too, in her own way. She writes kind letters, she has a knack with plants. She takes care to make food look attractive on the plates of dinner she serves her family.

A mentally and emotionally well person is a lot less involved in managing an impression than in living her life in an unselfconscious way. She isn’t watching others watching her. She is just doing it. She watches herself, corrects herself, learns from her mistakes. But she isn’t paralyzed by obsessive self-watching. There is a pleasing mix to her—she makes sense and she can make fun.

She is not a hidden person either. She shows who she is. She has her flaws but she does not have a secret self that would shock anyone. She is realistic and accepting of her own flaws and those of others. She is not defensive, nor does she attack others.

Know anyone like that?

Who do you know who is mentally stable and well grounded?

Who do you know who is emotionally lively and yet still self-controlled?

Who do you know who has one of these strengths but not both?

Who do you know who has both mental and emotional wellness?

My own mental strengths include:

My own emotional strengths include:

I have a harder time mentally in the area of:

I am not so emotionally grounded in the area of:

I will be more mentally healthy if I

Get organized?

Set limits with others?

Get realistic about time?

Make time for healthy reading?

I will be more emotionally healthy when I

Control my anger?

Show myself more consideration and love?

Find and express some of my passions?

Express feelings of tenderness to those I love?

Get honest with myself about my fears or anger?