Amy Plank

Men and Their Power

After the sin of Adam and Eve, God told the woman, "Your craving will be for your husband, and he will dominate you."  (Gen 3:16)  And sorry to say, this prophecy has been the rule right down till now. 

Men have a stronger body, a deeper voice and they are typically the breadwinners.  Women are usually smaller and weaker, and more empathic by nature.  They deal with menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, lactation and the nurturing of small children.  Women often have less earning power in the world of work, making them dependent on the male for support of her and their kids. 

So down through time and across cultures, men have realized that if they are intimidating, they can get their way.  And if they push more they will get their way more.  Soon it can be every time about everything. 

What does the rest of the family learn?  "Don't make daddy mad!"  The more force he uses—by yelling or swearing, by threats, by hitting or throwing—the more the rest of the family shuts up and backs up.  They learn the unhealthy complement to domination—appeasement.  They can get him to be quieter and less threatening by giving in, whether they actually agree with him or not.  Their motto gets to be, "Whatever will please him for a little while."  The problem is that once they start giving in, they may see five years go by.  They just keep backing down, giving up, apologizing when they haven't done anything wrong.  And he gets worse.  The balance of power keeps shifting towards him.

If this sounds like your family, you didn't start it and you aren't the only ones.  And if you are looking for a way out, let's keep talking…